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Sunday, April 11, 2004
(Oh yeah, in case you were wondering from my March 2nd entry, no I wasn't pregnant. Just very very late. I practically skipped a whole month.)2:30 AM
Y'know, even just the thought of ending things with RGuy is exhausting. Not that I'm getting itchy feet (again) or anything, I was just thinking about the way it would be.
Relationships are freakin' investments.
Let's just say that we were to break up. Then I'd be single, and I guess, get into another relationship. Just the thought of that is exhausting. To have to start over?
I think maybe I'd rather stay single.
You have to go through the whole process of getting to know eachother.
First superficially... the names, the occupation, the family, the birthday, the favourite colour.
Then more deeply. What are they like in the morning? How silly does this person get? What does he find funny or sad? What is he passionate about? What makes him laugh? How ambitious is he?
Then you go through the experiences. The first time he sees me cry. The first time we have sex. The first time we have really good sex. The first time it doesn't end up being so good. The first time we argue. The first time he sees me crumble under my family's influence. The first time he sees me humiliated.
Even if things were not perfect with RGuy... at least I've gone through all these things with him before. We've been there. It's an investment.
2:24 AM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I'm pretty stressed out. All I want to do is lie down in bed and fall asleep, though sleep probably wouldn't be possible.My period was due on the 20th last month and it shows no sign of coming yet.
Could I be pregnant? I don't feel pregnant - but what is pregnancy supposed to feel like?
Nothing seems all that sure.
I also have an exam tomorow that I am sure I am doomed to fail. Maybe I am just having extended PMS. Extremely extended.
11:20 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I miss life as an undergrad student. I think that those 4 years (though not so long ago) might qualify as some of the best years of my life.3:25 AM
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Walking through Chinatown always reminds me of my family. I guess because I am most Chinese when I am with my family.The sights, the sounds... I can't decide if I blend in or if I stick out when I'm there. Although I am Chinese, and I have the physical features to match, I am dressed like your average, slumming, Canadian student.
3:57 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004
Do you ever reflect back on your life, and think about how strange things were during certain periods of your life?The "past me" might as well be a stranger to the "present me."
I understand the "past me", but I wouldn't want to walk in her shoes again.
8:30 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
I should rename this blog "Coming to Grips with Commitment." Haha7:16 PM
Two year anniversary celebration was last night. When we were having drinks, I let myself contemplate that length of time. And I started freaking, just a little.
"Two years! Two years!"
And he told me that they were the best 2 years of his life. Then I started crying because I was so touched and also it was possibly true for me too.
I hope I'm not sounding like a smug married (I'm not married!) to those singletons out there. I used to be one of you!
7:15 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
I realize to my own horror that I have become dependent on RGuy. I thought that I didn't miss him while I was away, but now that I am back and I still have not been able to see him yet, I really do miss him.I am finaly allowing myself to consider the idea of getting married to him. Afterall, it has been 2 years, the thought had to cross my mind eventually. We never talk about the future because he knows better than to freak me out.
When I think about it, part of me feels that maybe I am settling. But the the other part of me thinks that not getting married would mean losing this gift that I have been given of someone who I get along with so well.
I guess it's something to think about. I guess this is real life.
4:22 PM
