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Friday, March 30, 2001
There are some confusing things going on right now. Amid my happiness, there are some grey areas - but not due to anyone's fault - just bad timing.I just wish that some decisions didn't have to be made. I'm so thrown off by it. I wish there was an easy answer. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could make everyone happy, but at the same time know what's best for myself. I never want to have to hurt anybody. Hopefully I never have to.
Things always seem to work out like this though. Why is that?
I'm going to try my best to amend things.
posted by Erica at 4:43 PM
Like a broken record, I'll keep telling you how happy I am. He likes me. :) I've met all his friends, and they're great. He's met all my friends, and he likes them and vice versa.
Can you believe it's only been a week?
posted by Erica at 12:12 PM
Thursday, March 29, 2001
Wow, I don't know what I'm doing. Now that I've come back to earth, I can have a more objective view on things. Isn't it amazing how so many things in this life seem to happen by chance? What brought us together? Were we thrown together by oppurtunity? Did we actually choose eachother?But for now I can just sit back, relax and enjoy. It's still the beginning. The beginning is always good. I should not be questioning things at this stage because it shouldn't be a big deal. I just hope that I'm not following some sort of cookie-cutter code and that I actually am following my own needs, desires, wants. I don't want to just let it happen to me. I need an element of control over where my life is going. But again, why am I asking such questions so early in the game?
Tonight I see him again - it should be good. :)
posted by Erica at 12:22 PM
Wednesday, March 28, 2001
This is the way it's supposed to be. Being so happy. So content. And we can't see anyone but eachother. And he'll grab my hand, and naturally our fingers will fall in line. And we won't let go. I'm so glad that I attract these sweet, soft-spoken, intelligent boys.posted by Erica at 7:10 PM
When I think of the way things went last night, my heart flutters. It's such a good moment when I realize again and again that he actually likes me.
posted by Erica at 2:53 PM
I don't think I could have met a sweeter, nicer, cuter guy. :)
If I'm happy, the voices in my head no longer need to scream... and I think that this can make me happy.
He makes me blush. He got me to talk about my Dad. He held my hand and was a complete gentleman. I can't believe I was so worried!
posted by Erica at 10:10 AM
Tuesday, March 27, 2001
Tonight is the night that I get to see him again. And we'll see if the chemistry was real. We'll see if any of it was real. I'm incredibly excited but at the same time I have my worries. Will something bad happen? Will nothing happen? It's so hard to wait.posted by Erica at 4:06 PM
Monday, March 26, 2001
Wow - do you know how long it's been since I've been on a real date? Do you know how long it's been since a boy has expressed such direct interest in me? Do you know how long it's been since someone's held my hand? A really long time.I'm sorta scared. I'm scared that it won't be real. That he'll be disappointed with the real me. That he'll realize that the dark lighting in the club, my make-up, my sexy outfit, my hairstyle, the alcohol - were all really deceiving. That I'm, in fact, not cute at all.
At the same time I can't wait to see him. I need this... even if I just get one good date out of it, I'll be happy. The timing is somewhat wrong, but it doesn't really matter for the present.
We talked on the phone for a pretty long time late into the night last night. I can't tell from our conversation how things will be on our date. Will there be chemistry? It was pretty much just a regular conversation, but I think there were moments of ever so slight flirtation. I can't wait to see him in person...
posted by Erica at 6:13 PM
Sunday, March 25, 2001
I can't stop thinking about that guy I met. I can't stop, I just can't. This time was so different from all those other times. I've never been so excited to see someone again. I can't wait for him to call. I'm so sure that I've never felt this way about anyone before.And I know how dangerous it is to feel this way. I realize how close I am to being delusional. I can't help it though. I don't want to be hurt, but I also don't care to take the precautions to protect myself just yet.
It's still the beginning. I'm still feeling the rush. And I'm relishing in it.
posted by Erica at 1:04 PM
