Saturday, June 09, 2001

Having a good time this weekend so far!
posted by Erica at 6:53 PM

Friday, June 08, 2001

So I'm officially in this relationship. Sorta officially. Do I feel different? Is it really different? It's hard to say that it is, since I barely see him and phone calls are even sporadic.

Do I feel satisfied? Not really. Sorta. My boy-crazy urges have disappeared. But with relationships come a whole different set of questions. Stupid, silly questions. Like "What is this?" or "What are we doing?" or "What does this all mean?"

Well, I keep most of my questions to myself. On the outside, I am actually quite laid back about it.

Perhaps some of my silly questions will be answered this weekend.
posted by Erica at 2:53 AM

So I'm gonna take the transit downtown, walk to the greyhound station, hop on the bus with my bags filled with light summery clothes, arrive at the university, then I'll give Guy #1 a call.

I'm so glad that the weather is beautiful. It couldn't be more fitting.
posted by Erica at 2:24 AM

Thursday, June 07, 2001

This doesn't make you special to me... unless you have a cure.
posted by Erica at 2:51 AM

I find myself imitating the overuse of the smiley face emoticon that N uses in ICQ messages. He still lingers on my mind more than he should. I still get jealous of him, of what he has, of his girlfriend, his intelligence. And I'm still bitter that we are not better friends. I always wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking. I hate that I ever thought that I had a chance with him.
posted by Erica at 1:30 AM

Sometimes I hate myself for the things that I don't know.
posted by Erica at 1:19 AM

In an effort to keep my feelings for Guy #1 alive, I put a picture of the two of us out where I can see it everyday, propped on my desk.

It's a funny picture because it was taken the day we met. After we had hit it off so well at the club, as we were standing in the line for coat check, Guy #1's friend took out a camera and asked me to pose with Guy #1. I was amused and Guy #1 was a little embarassed, but we leaned in close and smiled.

In the picture, my hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and my face is radiant from a night of dancing and flirting. I'm wearing a white, one-shouldered top. Guy #1 has a small smile on his lips and he's wearing a brown sweater.

That one night I was so impressed with him.

Right now I don't know how I feel, other than my liking that picture of the two of us. Things will be more telling when I see him this weekend.
posted by Erica at 1:07 AM

Wednesday, June 06, 2001

It'll be just me and my mom for some time this summer. Come September I'll be returning to school out of town.

It's not a big deal to me right now. I can almost dismiss my sister as being overly sentimental about the whole thing. Or perhaps it just hasn't hit me yet. When my dad first told me that he accepted a job offer in Hong Kong, I was crying. But it doesn't faze me much now.

I think part of growing up and becoming an adult involves getting used to change.

Perhaps it's not a big deal to me because 8 months out of the year I don't even live at home anyway. Things will be different, yes, but I can adapt.
posted by Erica at 2:53 AM

Tuesday, June 05, 2001

I was looking at one at Gap, but it was $59.00 Cdn. Ack! I'm not paying that much money. I'd rather fashion a khaki skirt with my bare hands than pay that much money for a skirt. I was only planning on wearing it a few times, just to summer job interviews I haven't even secured yet.
posted by Erica at 2:31 AM

I was watching The Cure perform "Just Like Heaven" live on MuchMoreMusic. I started daydreaming that one day I would sing that song, just me and my guitar (I don't actually know how to play the guitar, but my Dad does and he's self-taught, maybe one day I will be too). I would change the lyrics so instead of it being a guy singing about a girl, it would be a girl singing in first person:

"'Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick,
The one that makes me scream.' I said,
'The one that makes me laugh' I said,
Threw my arms around his head.
'Show me you how you do it,
And I'll promise you, I'll promise that
I'll run away with you,
I'll run away with you.'"
posted by Erica at 2:19 AM

My days seem a little less empty now.

I've been out and about. I've been going to follow-up appointments where my oral surgeon and my orthodontist ask about my diet, ask me how I'm feeling and then they send me on my way with a pat on the back. I've been job hunting too. Not too successful with that yet. I am definetely looking forward to this weekend. I'll be going to the university, visiting friends, partying and I can see Guy #1.

Perhaps I'll have a talk with him. I'll tell him how I didn't want to invite myself over to stay at his place because I didn't want to overstep boundaries. I've confessed to him in previous conversations about my lack of sensibility. Perhaps he'll tell me, finally, that he wants me with him.
posted by Erica at 1:09 AM

Monday, June 04, 2001

The windows in my bedroom face north. The windows in my sister's bedroom face south. When you walk up the stairs, depending on the time of day, natural light will only ever be shining out of my windows or hers.

This sort of represents what polar opposites we are.

Facing north, it makes my room intolerably cold in the winter, but pleasantly cool when it's too hot outside. Mornings are gloomy, but there is no better view of the sunset during late summer afternoons. My walls are painted pale pink, and when the light of the setting sun hits them, they glow. I can never close my curtains on a sunset like that.
posted by Erica at 2:32 AM

I haven't had real food in almost 4 weeks now. Here are some of the things that I've been craving:

BBQ pork (cha-sew) and rice
A street vendor hot-dog with green olives, mustard and onions
Dark chocolate cookies
Really crisp french fries

It's so hard... I can't wait until my jaws have completely healed.
posted by Erica at 2:14 AM

Sunday, June 03, 2001

I think she thinks that I'm trying to pretend he's not my boyfriend, because I tell her he's a friend. But how can I explain the weird heirarchy of relationship status' to her?
posted by Erica at 7:51 PM