Friday, June 22, 2001

It's nice - I feel so calm.
posted by Erica at 4:03 PM

Thursday, June 21, 2001

Yesterday we went shopping, I was looking for a pair of dress black pants for work. We looked in Jacob first, and couldn't find anything in my size.

Then we went to a mini chinese mall and looked around in the stores in there. Sometimes I find chinese stores to be either crazy expensive or the style way too funky. We went into this particular store, and there were these beautiful pants in there. I tried them on and they were flat front, straight leg with a slit in the bottom hem. I knew my mom wouldn't like the price though - $79.99 regular. While I was in the change room, I could hear her bargaining with the owner of the store.

The owner was this nice little chinese man. I felt so bad for him! My mom is a force to be reckoned with when she's bargaining. There is no low for her - she'll throw everything at you for a few bucks.

In the end, my mom bargained this poor man down to $55 flat from $79.99.
posted by Erica at 4:59 PM

Wow - so I've lasted almost 2 weeks here at this job. It's been okay... Tired now. But grateful for it.

I have lots of time to check e-mail and do other things on the internet now. Sometimes I have a lot of time on my hands - just when I have a break from filing. I've been responding to e-mails that I've let sit in my in-box, and writing to almost everyone in my address book. So, in a way, being at work has made me a more social person.
posted by Erica at 4:28 PM

I can explain myself. I can explain myself very well. I guess I'm a little introspective. You'd think that this could help me be a better person. You'd think that I could evolve myself. But no. It's when you realize you can't do anything about your faults, it's when you can't change yourself, it's then that you stagnate, you rot, and you hate yourself.
posted by Erica at 10:01 AM

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

I think that what happened, as sad as it was, was a good thing.
posted by Erica at 4:46 PM

Nude hose is great. I feel like I have legs like Barbie - smooth and shiny.
posted by Erica at 1:23 PM

The last Saturday night, the night before Mr. WLU and I broke up, I had gone out clubbing. Just with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. One of the guys there was a friend of a friend of my friend... He introduced himself and was kinda flirty. He mentioned that he was in Pharmacy school - I told him that I was hoping to get into Pharmacy school one day...

He told me he was in charge of orientation and was on some admissions committee. I started asking him all these questions about what it was like and about admissions. He said that I should contact him about it. So at the end of the night I gave him my cell number.

I was really just having fun - at the time I was still with Guy #1, and my intentions were for the most part pure. A sneaky part of me thought he was kinda cute, and I was just playing. But now that Guy #1 and I have broken up, I haven't even turned on my cell to receive messages, and who knows if he'll even call, but it doesn't even matter.
posted by Erica at 9:37 AM

Tuesday, June 19, 2001

I was watching this movie on Bravo yesterday, called "Shall We Dance?" It's about this Japanese man that learns to ballroom dance. It reminded me of my Dad... He'll be returning from Hong Kong this Wednesday. He can keep me and my mom company.
posted by Erica at 2:58 PM

Monday, June 18, 2001

I listen to the Sade CD that K. gave me over and over again. I suppose he gave it to me exactly for times like these.
posted by Erica at 7:00 AM

How can something like this be allowed to happen to me and Guy #1?

I'm being punished.
posted by Erica at 6:58 AM

I can't see my future.
I can't see it.
I've lost sight of it.
It looks like a vague mist of meaningless dead ends.
posted by Erica at 6:58 AM

How can I ever start again?
Why is there so much pain?
Why is life like this?
Who is out there for me?

This is so much harder.

Is this a mistake?
Why do we run?
Why do our circumstances suck?

Why wasn't I more grateful? I took him for granted.
posted by Erica at 6:58 AM

I want to stop drinking water so that I will dehydrate and the tears will stop.
posted by Erica at 6:57 AM

Maybe he was supposed to be the gentle husband I was meant to be with.
posted by Erica at 6:57 AM

I don't want to use the phrase "break up." It sounds so juvenile, like that was something I should have left behind in high school.

He kept blaming himself. And it hurts me so much that he's doing that. I don't want him to feel that way. I hate myself for that.
posted by Erica at 6:56 AM

The only thing that gives me comfort right now is the colour of the sky.
posted by Erica at 6:55 AM

I surprise myself by how upset I am. I guess I was a lot more attached than I realized.

If the circumstances were different, I think that right now I'd be calling him telling him I want him back and that I don't want to lose him.
posted by Erica at 6:55 AM

The moment we finally got around to talking about our problems, I didn't want to lose him and I almost felt like I could have loved him.
posted by Erica at 6:54 AM

I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like drinking. I don't want anyone else.

I just want to go to sleep forever and not wake up until it's gone.
posted by Erica at 6:54 AM

If misery makes a sound, it is the sound of silence, or the sound of sobbing.
posted by Erica at 6:54 AM

Guy #1 and I made last-minute plans to go out today for coffee. We finally had that talk that I had been meaning to have with him. He was actually the one to initiate it, not me (see he's the stronger one out of the two of us). I just wanted to open up dialog about us. I didn't expect the outcome of this conversation.

We admitted that our relationship had really dried up over the last month. We admitted that under the circumstances, things were hopeless. The long-distance thing was too much.
posted by Erica at 6:54 AM