s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Friday, July 13, 2001
(Just because I said I wasn't in the mood to be dating this summer doesn't mean I'm not still boy crazy - there's a difference you know.)posted by Erica at 8:06 PM
Why am I obsessed with S?
Why?
I haven't talked to him since school, and even then, they weren't really conversations.
Yet he is on my mind constantly. I always think I'm going to bump into him, even if I'm not actually near his place. I constantly wonder what he would think of my appearance if he did bump into me. I wonder what I would say. I always wish for the best, most witty conversations with him. I always wish and wish and wish.
Why? Why? Why?
I would just take him for granted if I actually had him. Some things he do really aren't that great. Like his blaseness, his issues with race, his underacheiving, his slick friends, his coldness.
What the hell attracts me to him? Maybe the fact that deep inside, perhaps subconsciously (perhaps not), I thought that I could have him at anytime, and when I finally did want him, it turns out I was wrong. I could never've had him. He would've never picked me. Not even as a good friend.
He doesn't even really acknowledge me, and when he does, I am too eager, taking the bone he throws me and thinking it's a feast. I am so wrong, so wrong. I must forget him, or at least stop obsessing, stop hoping, because it's unhealthy.
posted by Erica at 8:03 PM
Monday, July 09, 2001
This whole Pharmacy guy thing has made me realize that I'm really not in the mood to be dating right now. I think I just want to chill for the rest of the summer. And then I can look forward to returning to school all refreshed...posted by Erica at 11:04 AM
Sunday, July 08, 2001
As fun as it is, dating is really stupid sometimes.I realize that none of this would've happened if he wasn't in Pharmacy.
I'm not quite ready for the picking.
Ack - I've fallen into some sorta rut.
The same mistakes over and over again.
This is ridiculous.
posted by Erica at 11:27 AM
I should never have given Pharmacy guy a chance. It's not worth all the questions I'm asking myself. About my intentions. Like:
Why am I trying to date someone so soon after Guy #1?
Why am I showing interest in someone that is slick (something I detest)?
Is this a test of my own self worth?
Would I be worth more to myself if I dated him?
I don't think I'll be calling him again. Spring fling, rebound guy - whatever - I don't need it.
posted by Erica at 11:22 AM
Underneath it all, I'm still a romantic. It's just hidden. Sometimes I can't even find it. It's easy to forget about it.
With Guy #1, I was so excited to meet him - I had to hold his hand, I had to have him. He had to want me. I gushed like crazy without even knowing it.
With Pharmacy guy - I don't even care. I don't even call him - I've only called him twice, once on Thursday, and I left a message.
So there's a big difference between the attitudes I had with either guy. Why is that?
posted by Erica at 11:18 AM
This is slight stupidness. I'm paranoid - thinking that this guy is just going through the motions and not really caring, but then I'm not one to talk - I'm also just going through the motions. This has become quite routine.
Guys sees girl at club. If interest is reciprocated, guy introduces self. Makes small talk about club, bonus if he compliments the girl. Buys girl drink, stays by her side til the end, dancing. Asks for her number. A few days later, no sooner than at least one night past, he calls her. Conversation is at least 45 minutes long. Works into conversation plans to meet again - movie or coffee is appropriate. Conversations sprinkled throughout the week (if he's hardcore - everyday). Boy and girl take turns being the one to call.
And so on.
posted by Erica at 11:04 AM
