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Saturday, July 28, 2001
I was on ICQ last night, briefly. And I bumped into Guy #2...He's great to talk to. I can actually say what's on my mind and he'll listen and say something intelligent back. I just get the sense that I don't have to dumb down what I say, the way I automatically do with most people, just to simplify things. But I don't do this with him. With anyone else I'd usually get the raised eye-brow look.
Sometimes you need to be careful with who you can talk freely to.
posted by Erica at 2:55 AM
Wednesday, July 25, 2001
Don't think I haven't thought it through, cause I have.Don't think I haven't thought about the consequences to others, because I have.
Don't think I don't realize it's a completely selfish act, because I do.
But aren't all acts in life inherently selfish anyway?
posted by Erica at 10:30 PM
Massively fucked up.
I know.
Guy #1 never knew this part of me. I shut him out. Not on purpose. What would he do with it anyway? He couldn't possibly. I wouldn't want him to try anyway.
posted by Erica at 10:28 PM
I was thinking about it recently - I don't know why - but I was thinking of children. And whether or not I want any when I'm older.
Part of me says yes, but it's hard to know if I'm just saying that because having children is a cultural norm, everyone wants children, right?
Then there's another part of me that says no. I don't think of it as bringing children into the world, because they're only children for about 12 years. I think of it more as bringing people into this world. And it's this huge responsibility. I think the magnitude of it doesn't hit people right away. Am I responsible enough to raise people? Could I do it?
I'm massively, massively fucked up. Why would I want to pass that on to others?
posted by Erica at 3:47 PM
Monday, July 23, 2001
I went out this weekend and actually bumped into Guy #1 and one of his roommates that I had met before. They had both come home for the weekend. When I first saw him, it sorta threw me. But then I just went up to them and said hi. It was actually really good seeing them again. Guy #1 is such a great guy - I miss being around him.posted by Erica at 4:04 PM
I used to have this problem. I used to fall hard for Christian guys. I used to believe very much in "soulmates" and "true love." My crushes would hit me hard, I'd throw my whole heart into the ante. It didn't happen that much, but when I met a Christian guy that I liked, I would be thinking in my head Oh my God! God must have sent him to me!
How silly was I?
So it was always the Christian ones that hurt the most.
posted by Erica at 1:58 PM
