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Thursday, August 23, 2001
None of this makes me special.posted by Erica at 10:39 PM
Forced sentimentality makes me retch.
posted by Erica at 10:38 PM
It really broke my heart to see him throw himself at her and then pretend it was really nothing to me.
posted by Erica at 10:36 PM
I went out with a bunch of friends last night... and when we were standing out on the street, G gave me his button down shirt that he was wearing over his tee at my friend T's insistence because I was cold. Also, I was wearing my cousin's bandanna on my head that night. I forgot to give these things back as I walked out the car into my house when they dropped me off. Whoops.
Anyway, I put the shirt over my chair and the bandanna over that so I wouldn't forget to give these things back next time I saw them.
They are such obviously male things in my girly girl room. It's sort of nice to have these sorta symbols of masculinity here. The presence of my guy friends that I love.
posted by Erica at 10:08 PM
Tuesday, August 21, 2001
I've always been different.Different fucked up.
Different good.
Different voluntarily and unvoluntarily.
posted by Erica at 10:51 PM
I enjoy bruising myself on the wires of my cage - I don't actually want to get out.
posted by Erica at 10:42 PM
I shrink in her presence. I always have. I have no words to say, no emotions to express, no face to show.
This is why I need to get away and find my sanctuary where I can be me. My school wasn't fucking far enough away.
posted by Erica at 10:41 PM
Fuck. I hate you all.
So what. I'll let the anger consume me. I'll let it kill me. I'll let it stare out from my eyes and breathe in when I open my mouth.
I am at my most eloquent when I am suicidal.
posted by Erica at 10:40 PM
She's my sister but I think I need to be far away from her so that no one can ever compare me to her again.
posted by Erica at 10:39 PM
Dark child.
I need to find someone that will only see me standing in the shadows.
posted by Erica at 10:39 PM
I think I'm PMSing.
Just the tiniest thought set me off. I was telling P about Guy #1 and my sister, and it wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but I only felt like crying afterwards.
When I'm PMSing it means I'm depressed out of my mind which means that I'm at my most eloquent. So I wrote a couple of crazy things in my diary which I'll have to share with you later.
posted by Erica at 9:50 AM
