s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Saturday, March 02, 2002
I think I may just let myself be really happy. I think I actually am right now. I think I'm pleased that I made it past one month with him.12:39 PM
Tonight was a good night with RGuy. Our one month. Which wasn't a big deal, still a milestone though. I just brought it up while we were being intimate...
"You know tonight is our one month?"
"Yeah I know."
And that's all I wanted... acknowledgment. No frou frou. I dunno, some Asian couples are so hung up on celebrating each anniversary, I think it's silly.
He made me feel all tingly all over - like pins and needles.
And we talked and talked and talked. We share a lot of the same philosophies, especially when it comes to relationships. He has never been in a long, hard core relationship either... nothing longer than a couple of months. And that was sort of a relief for me, because I am the same way. And neither of us knew why, we didn't think it was because of commitment phobia, more just because of circumstance.
He's honest with me. He let me cry on his shoulder. He's a good guy.
2:01 AM
Friday, March 01, 2002
Midterm went alright... Now I just gotta worry about the 2 I have on Monday.Tonight I'm gonna see RGuy - it's been 2 weeks since I saw him last, isn't that sorta crazy? It's not like we don't go to the same school or that we're not in the same town most of the time.
2:08 PM
Instant noodles with an egg dropped in is my favourite late night food right now. Sooooo good. Mmmm... yolky noodles...
1:52 AM
I just spent the whole day in the library studying for my Research Design class and my brain just feels squeeeeeezed.
1:48 AM
Wednesday, February 27, 2002
Whenever I look out my apartment window at windows of other apartment buildings, I never see anyone else standing at their window looking out too.One day I just want to look out and connect with someone.
11:54 PM
I spoke too soon about summer days... the town is covered in a lovely layer of snow. As of now (it's early in the morning) it is still perfect, no footprints or grease marring it. Well... that'll probably change...
9:01 AM
Guy #1 e-mailed me to tell me that he had found a job - finally. He had been looking for one for a while now. And reading his long e-mail, I felt so happy for him, but I also felt a twinge of sadness.
During my reading week I had wanted to call him and see him. But P told me that if I was going to see an ex, I was obligated to let RGuy know. Which I found ridiculous but also reasonable and fair. I didn't want to deal with it, so I just didn't. So I never picked up the phone to see Guy #1.
Why am I still holding on to Guy #1? Why have I convinced myself that he had my heart? Technically, I never reached that "girlfriend" stage with him. He kept me at an arms length when it came to titles, but held me close when it came to everything else. So I'm not really his ex - I'm just a girl he dated for 3 months.
I miss him. I do.
I'm so glad that he has a job now. I was worried for him. Even my mom was worried for him; she asked about him when I was home.
I'll reply to his e-mail tomorow. Should I tell him about RGuy? I don't have to, but why wouldn't I? There shouldn't be a reason why he shouldn't find out about this. But I can't think of a graceful way to just make him aware of it. Hmmm... I'll have to ask for advice.
12:55 AM
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
When am I allowed to get comfortable?I just realized a little while ago that this Friday is my one month with RGuy. It's been fast... February is a short month. A milestone nevertheless...
10:16 PM
Despite my inner craziness, I think things are going really well with RGuy right now. He's the cutest.
He just called me, and he's really sick. He was coughing and everything... Here's my opportunity to take care of him.
P told me that her ex-boyfriend used to tell her that she took care of him. I thought about it, and I couldn't imagine anyone ever saying that to me. I'm so independent, but also such a kid still... I always imagined that it would be the other way around, someone taking care of me. So now, I can let those supposed maternal instincts come out, and baby him.
I told him I'd make him my "cure for everything." I didn't tell him what it was, but I'll tell the 9 of you that's it's my honey and hot water remedy with lemons. Heh heh.
2:57 PM
Monday, February 25, 2002
It was just a gorgeous, gorgeous day today. Looks like spring is here... and it makes me feel all excited inside cause I can just picture summer - walking outside without coats... warm breezes, blue skies. I just love it.6:18 PM
Hey I'm sorry if I freaked anyone out on Friday. I guess I should try to not be alone on a Friday night so I don't get all manic depressive... It happens, it happens. That's all the explanation I have for now.
1:25 AM
I was in the car with my parents, and it occured to me to savour that moment.
My dad was driving, my mom in the passenger seat, and me drifting off in the backseat. I realized that this will probably not happen too much in the future. My dad will be returning to Hong Kong (he was just here in Canada for about 3 weeks). And I'm more or less an adult now.
So having my parents drive me around while I daydream in the back - that probably won't happen too much anymore.
1:24 AM
