s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Saturday, April 06, 2002
I used to lure Guy #1 into my room with hot chocolate so I could seduce him. He knew it too - but never resisted.7:20 PM
I feel like everyone hates me and there's nowhere I can find solace.
I don't want to stay here. My friends feel like my enemies. Hiding, conspiring, withholding from me. They all hate me.
I don't want to go home either. My sister is cruel. She also hates me.
It's okay, I hate them all too.
7:19 PM
The sky is blue and it's haunting me.
Reminders of summers past. It taunts me, telling me I can never go back to the way things were.
Because the sky is happy and I am not.
Because the sky is at peace and I am not.
The sky is clear and my mind is clouded.
7:19 PM
Friday, April 05, 2002
Can't help being a flirt.I just thought I'd post that link up there since lots of seach strings lead here asking about flirting.
11:49 PM
I was so romanced when, while acting out on my lust, he reached for my hand and kissed my knuckles.
10:45 PM
I care about RGuy... obviously. And we are getting closer. But sometimes I look at him and feel like I could never fall in love with him.
What is love anyway?
Well last night was great. Went out with a bunch of people... I've met so many people through RGuy. It's been a good term that way.
So no more partying. I have three gross final exams that I'm not ready for next week. Time to hit the books.
1:13 PM
Thursday, April 04, 2002
One last party before the end of the term tonight...1:53 PM
Peach passion tea by Higgins & Burke = good stuff.
Especially when I've already filled my 2/day quota of coffee.
12:52 AM
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
I can't believe I'll be out of here so soon. On the 19th to be exact. That's the date of my last exam.That means I'll have finished 3 years of university. I feel like I just got here.
One more year. One more year and I'll be done. I'll have graduated with a B.Sc.. In the real world, perhaps.
I haven't even picked what courses I'm taking next year.
And without even realizing it, I've grown up. I can no longer claim to be a teenager. What does that make me? An adult?
Well... gotta get through final exams first.
11:34 PM
Despite my qualms things are fine with me and RGuy. More than fine.
I think, and this is so hard to admit, that we may be growing together.
We were never big on PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) before. I am personally not really into that. I hate being a showy couple, and we aren't. But last night as we were walking from his car to my apartment he reached for my hand.
We are getting more comfortable together. I'm pretty proud of this. I don't think I ever remember things being this good at 2 months in my past experience.
5:12 PM
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
Tonight I'm going to a movie with RGuy. It'll be my attempt to make sure that things are still cool after last night's conversation. I'm sure he didn't think it was a big deal, but I was on edge afterwards.7:51 PM
It's snowing like crazy. It's the soft kind too, but still damn annoying when it pelts you in the eye. I guess it was a bad day to decide to wear Mary Janes.
So much for the beginning of spring.
1:58 PM
So is this what a relationship is like?
It would be silly to let this get to me. Especially, since becoming less naive, I've learned that most guys have done drugs at least once in their lives.
1:57 PM
Be careful what you ask for. I wanted a conversation that was more than superficial with RGuy.
Well I got it. We had an hour long discussion about marijauna. And it was so frustrating. And I still feel it.
We just talked about our different opinions about it. And we're so different when it comes to this respect.
The conversation was so circular. I don't know if it got anywhere. I guess we understand better where the other person is coming from.
Argh.
He makes me feel like the biggest prude, the biggest innocent. He says I make him feel like the biggest punk.
He says he only does it once a month. I said it's not the quantity but the fact that he does it at all.
I told him I would never try to actually change him. I would never ask him to not do it because of me. I would never pretend to be able to control that. But what I can control is whether or not I'm around when he does it.
Ack... I'll have to come back to this later...
7:46 AM
Monday, April 01, 2002
Sometimes I worry that I'm not letting him close. We don't really talk about anything deep...I wish I could date an intellectual... or a philosopher.
Though the one time I dated an intellectual (back in high school) it really wasn't that great because I couldn't stand up to him, and our fights got frustrating. Actually, he was the only one I ever fought with.
Guy #2 (remember him?) was a philosopher. I thought he was so cool... I was pretty fascinated by him.
Maybe I'm just getting itchy feet. Maybe I just need to give us some more time.
10:52 PM
Sunday, March 31, 2002
My sister and her boyfriend dropped me off back at school. I asked RGuy to come out and have coffee with us all so that she could meet him finally. It was good. I think good impressions were made.RGuy dropped me off at my apartment afterwards and I gave him a lingering kiss good-bye.
Tomorow will be our 2 months. We'll be breaking his record, but it still remains to be seen if we'll be breaking mine.
9:59 PM
I just got back from my long weekend. Phew... lots happened - it's been busy.
It feels funny to be back. I feel like school should be over. Even though it's gone by very quickly... it's been a looong year. Does that make sense?
It was good to see all my family, especially my Grandmother. We ate out all weekend, I got my fill of chinese food. Went partying too.
Got along with my sister for the most part, but things could have been better.
Still unemployed...
It'll be nice to be home for good... 3 more weeks...
7:59 PM
