s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Saturday, June 22, 2002
It's been a lazy Saturday afternoon. Watching the bonus material on the "Pearl Harbour" DVD with my sister put me to sleep. I should have gone to visit RGuy this weekend.He pointed out last night that I haven't really visited him yet. Then I felt all bad. Then he felt all bad and said that he was joking.
But he's right.
So I'm gonna try to plan to go up 2 weeks from now.
6:18 PM
Friday, June 21, 2002
Oh God. My f*cking sister. She didn't give me a message about a phone call for me that came this morning.The minute she said his name, it made my head turn and say "What???"
An old friend.
Someone that was once a possibility, but had terrible, terrible timing. But there was somthing there once upon a time.
I don't have his number. I don't know how to reach him.
Now he's going to think I snubbed him.
9:42 PM
Thursday, June 20, 2002
I don't know why, but it still surprises me when he remembers details about me. Things that I assume he doesn't pick up on or that he wouldn't care about.Like how much I like McDonald's fries - for the salt of course.
Or the pictures I showed him of my 18th birthday party.
Or how much I love the feel of skin to skin.
I guess I don't need him to say anything, because it's things like these that give me thrills.
10:21 PM
It's really weird sometimes. I often feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Like, when I really think about RGuy and me.
Do I love him? I don't know. What is it supposed to feel like? Saying those words are like this threshold. It's like, once they've been said, you've entered this new realm. It's not something that you can take back or not mean. So in a way, I'm grateful that they haven't been said yet. Because things would just become so serious after that. I feel like I retain some freedom when I'm not "in love."
I wonder how RGuy feels about the whole thing.
9:58 PM
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Because I had been sleeping in his bed, my pyjamas smelled like him. And I held on to that feeling for as long as I could.6:51 PM
Bourne Identity = Good Movie
Matt Daman = Good Actor
(I'd take him anyday over Ben Affleck).
5:20 PM
Okay fine. I made up with my sister yesterday. We made peace. It's hard to be in a fight when you live together and you sorta depend on each other.
That's the way it always is anyway. When we fight it's explosive and emotional. But we can't stay mad forever.
5:15 PM
Monday, June 17, 2002
I hate my sister.Always remind me that I never, ever want to live with her.
9:58 PM
There's this boy next door. Okay, two doors down. We actually never really talked, but we did grow up right next to eachother. When we were kids, me and my sister used to go over and play barbies with his sister. Then I found out some of RGuy's friends went to school with him, actually a school within walking distance of me. So I started talking to him more lately, just going over to say "Hi" whenever I saw him outside playing basketball or whatever.
He's cute. And now that I'm talking to him I have so much to say. Today we talked about how weird the neighbours living between us are (what with their mismatched paint, and blank stares when they're waved at).
And I wonder how similar our lives must be. How important is location in your life? To grow up on the same street in houses built the exact same way.
So anyways, I'm hoping we can be better friends.
7:31 PM
Sunday, June 16, 2002
Oh God I really got no sleep last night. I'm so exhausted. My eyes are all droopy and tired, as if they've been crying, but I haven't been.I miss RGuy. I realize how much he cares about me.
My Dad leaves for Hong Kong again tomorow. And I'm really gonna miss him too. But we'll for sure see him in August. Our trip to Hong Kong is scheduled for August 14th, ending on the 31st.
Favorite song of the moment: "Easy Tonight" by Five For Fighting.
10:24 PM
So last night's party was amazing. It was because I saw so many friends. The place was just packed with people I hadn't seen in a long, long time.
So I had a great time, despite being exhausted, which is a side effect of working full-time I guess (I never get this tired when I'm on school term!). But it was so, so worth it.
Spent quality time with RGuy. I got a ride up there with friends and we went to someone's house, and RGuy didn't come til later. And he looked soo good when he walked in the door. It's great when you see someone in a refreshed light.
But of course, he drank a lot last night too, and he can get obnoxious when he does. Not to me, but he'll take to talking absolute garbage to strangers and yelling loudly. So that brought me back to earth, cause I can't stand it when he's like that.
Maybe that's what it's all about. A balance. A vision not too distorted and marred, but also not too glorified. And that's understanding reality. The grey of life.
5:42 PM
