Lunch with RGuy was great. Things are good. We had a short and very sweet good-bye.

I might be able to update the odd time over the next 2.5 weeks, but there won't be regular updates til September.

Until then, don't forget about me!
5:40 PM

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

We both feel bad about arguing before my big trip to HK. So he's gonna visit me on my lunch hour during work tomorow and we'll go out. I'm glad.

I'm so anxious about my trip! Anxious about the plane ride. Excited, anxious, nervous.

But it'll be good to see my Dad again! I'm so pleased for him because he got his contract extended there and he got an award or something. I'm sad that he won't be returning to Canada indefinitely, at least not before 2005. But he prefers it. He says there aren't any opportunities in Canada, but everything is expanding over there in China and Hong Kong.

Gotta start packing tonight...
11:08 AM

Monday, August 12, 2002

It was RGuy. And he chose that moment to hash out all those times I had snapped at him and he had let it go (you know what he means, all those times this week I wrote about not treating him right). He had just had a fight with his mom and I guess he was taking his anger out on me. He had always suppressed this anger before.

So we argued. And I started crying almost immediately. We tried to find solutions.

I got the chance to tell him about how I was thinking about a break. How I had heard from friends that sometimes it takes a break to appreciate each other. He was stunned. He asked "What do you mean by a break?"

"I mean, take some time apart. And see how things are. And if we miss each other, then we'll get back together. Or else, maybe you'll find that you're happier without me bitching at you. And I'm happier because I'm not bitching at you."

And he was hurt. And scared.

He told me "I can tell you right now that I don't want a break. And if we break up I know that I would miss you like crazy."

He wanted to know if a break was what I wanted. I told him that I only thought about it as a possible solution to our problems. And that I had decided that now was not right. He wanted to make sure that I was sure. And I was so tired. He said that if it was what I wanted he would give it to me, but that he would be afraid that I would discover that I was better off without him.

And I didn't know what I was sure of. I had soaked my face and my pillow with my tears. We talked and talked. We managed to stabilize things somewhat.

He didn't want me to get off the phone upset. He wanted to make sure I was okay. I couldn't express in words. I told him I would be okay in the morning. That I just wanted to sleep.

He finally let me go.

And I cried. And I tossed and turned. I couldn't sleep. And I woke up this morning with bags under my eyes that seemed to weigh my whole world down.

Before his call I had been so close to falling asleep on a near perfect day.
10:50 PM

Sunday, August 11, 2002

I guess you could call it sentiment.

Anyways, I just don't know what to do with all these feelings.
10:20 PM

Crazy weekend despite doing nothing but take a bubble bath Saturday night.

Saw "xXx" ("Triple X") - cool movie definitely. Nothing too deep of course, but funny and great acton scenes, if that's your thing. Vin Diesel has that "I don't give a f*ck" sexy attitude. Hard core soundtrack. I'm not into metal, but I was tempted to download a song or two.

Went to the local big @ss amusement park today with a huge group of friends. It was great. My skin is definitely tanned, but it's also sticky from various wet rides, sweat and sunscreen. Good times, good times... Probably the last time I'll see everyone until September when I return from Hong Kong. The last time I'll see RGuy too before then.

That won't be so easy...

But I will talk to him on the phone every night and through e-mail all through the business hours until Wednesday night. Then I'll be on a plane to HK.

For now, I'm just need a nice, long, hot shower.
9:37 PM