s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Friday, October 25, 2002
You're right. RGuy is my security blanket.But I've always had crushes. This badboy crush thing isn't that new for me. The difference is that I have a boyfriend now.
Now is being boycrazy just a trait that I have, or is it a sign that I shouldn't be in a committed relationship?
I have to figure things out.
But really, I don't plan on doing anything drastic anytime soon.
2:38 PM
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Okay so this is what it comes down to. I was talking to P about all this stuff.Is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? Or should I save myself before I fall in love?
If I know that he's not the one, then how long is too long to stay?
11:02 PM
My roommate baked a cake last night, so everytime I walk into the apartment from the outside it smells like sugar inside. Mmmm...
7:41 PM
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Maybe I was just a conquest for that guy. Nothing else. Just another girl that he could've had. A notch on his belt. Like really. Isn't that why I had my policy of "no more pick ups" in place?9:38 PM
I need someone that I can relate to. Or I need people that can relate to me.
Who else out there has been on the verge of being in love with their boyfriend for real while simultaneously wanting to cheat so bad? Even when the temptation is no longer there, nothing but a memory, an imprint on my mind.
God that guy was so f*cking sexy. And such a bad @ss.
But RGuy. I don't see wedding bells anywhere in our future, but what I do know, is that if I lost him right now, I'd be one messed up person.
So is this just a phase that I'm going through?
I couldn't get that guy out of my head today.
9:36 PM
Monday, October 21, 2002
I think I understand what love is a little more now.The complete understanding of that person. Knowing that person knows yourself just as well. Needing their presence. Missing them and wanting them there, even with all their faults. Building them up. Being a part of them.
Maybe none of this would have sounded new to me, like, a year ago. But it holds more meaning for me now.
10:57 PM
Sunday, October 20, 2002
Two great feel-good songs:India Arie - Strength, Courage & Wisdom
Macy Grey - We've Got Enough
2:51 PM
If I could have RGuy because he loves and knows me, and if I could also have the guy from the club last night, for fun, then my life would be great.
That's the thing though. You can't have it all.
But I would never do that to RGuy. That's what holds me back, not so much because of my values, but because I would never want to hurt RGuy if I could help it.
3:06 AM
