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Monday, June 30, 2003
I was talking on the phone with RGuy and he asked me how I would feel if he smoked up tomorow when we went out with him and his friends. If it upset me, he wouldn't do it.And I hesitated. Because I don't want to tell him what to do, but I don't want him to do it. But if it's gonna be that way, I wish that he naturally felt like he didn't want to do it (haha - I'm so naive).
I hate drugs. I don't know if that's just a knee jerk reaction due to my conservative Asian upbringing.
I never wanted to be one of those girls that tell their boyfriends how to be and what they can and cannot do. I like the idea of independence. I value independence.
Is this warped? What it comes down to (and what I would never say out loud) is that I don't want him to do it, and I'm not going to tell him not to do it, and if he does, I will probably be more inclined to leave him. I see it more as a charactor flaw than an action (a little thing he did wrong). Does that make sense?
So he judged by my reluctance to say anything and my silence that I didn't want him to do it. And he said he wouldn't. That it wasn't a big deal and I was more important. And I felt relieved. At the same time, I know I'm holding him back from something that most people don't think is a big deal.
9:31 PM
